Dating and breakups

The first temptation to be avoided is the need to blame somebody or something. It doesn’t matter in the long run whose fault it is, and avoiding blame spares you both a lot of pain. That doesn’t mean it was bad, only that it wasn’t long-term.

Because there are only the two of you, it’s logical that you will decide, heroically of course, to make it all your fault, even though you know it’s not true: “You’re too good for someone like me,” “I don’t deserve you,” — both of which mean you want out now. If the two of you are specific, you’ll know what went wrong and what, perhaps, either of you could do differently next time.

As we well know, most relationships die, and not in the gothically romantic “Death Do Us Part” way.

More in the crash-and-burn and also burn-everything-they-left-at-your-place kinda way.

In a recent lecture, marriage expert Hellen Chen assigned a number to this inevitability when she asserted that 85 percent of relationships end in a break up.

Seeing as only the elite few relationships end in marriage, and 50 percent of marriages end in divorce, this really can’t come as too much of a shock to anyone.

I have a lot of things in my life that were completely separate from my big city, sexy, minty-smelling guy. So, here are three ways I refrained from an epic breakdown when the relationship I seriously cherished … I focused on my son And I always focus on my son, but now he was the only little man I was focusing on. See, my boy is in Kindergarten, which is uh, the new first grade.

When you’re a functioning mom, you need to keep moving and cook meatballs and cheer your kid on at his basketball game. Go to a bookstore and read something, anything while you sip a delicious latte.

What I find to be so fascinating now is, I'm seeing an inverse in that trend.

If you discover that there is nothing the other person can give (or anything you’re willing to relinquish), then that should tell you something.

Similarly, if you’re in a relationship that used to work but has now turned rancid because one of you has moved or changed or cheated, you can’t go back. Breaking up is as important a skill as any other part of dating. The world’s too small a place, and you’re too big a person, so don’t even think about it. .” and no, it isn’t okay to say, “I feel you’re a rat.” This approach is okay only if you follow up with something about yourself, like, “I feel neglected when you work weekend after weekend.” (Of course, if you had been able to say this when you were feeling it, the relationship might not be beyond redemption at this point.) If you’re specific now, at least both of you can look at the data as dispassionately as possible rather than feeling that either of you failed.

The concept of ten breakups per-person makes me sincerely fear for our nation’s Ben & Jerry’s Cherry Garcia supply.

If your relationship gives you more misery than pleasure and more pain than fun, sit down with a pencil and paper and figure out what you want and what you’re willing to offer to get it.

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